I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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