dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize