gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize