dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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