literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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