just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize