I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize