Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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