he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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