70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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