The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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