Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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