your thong is hanging out like whoa
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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