My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize