so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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