I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize