she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just googled if crying burns calories
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
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Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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