I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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