I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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