He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize