If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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