do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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