If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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