Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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