On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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