I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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