Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So much Jack, so little girl.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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