I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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