I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize