I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize