I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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