my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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