Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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