You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
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How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
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I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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