So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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