I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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