Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize