Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my sisters under your porch take her home
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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