I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
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I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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