it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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