I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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