she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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