apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
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Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize