so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
