I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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