Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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