I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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