Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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