You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize