i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
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I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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